Dear Dad,
How are you?
I miss you.
But how can I miss someone I never knew?
But you can’t forget the times I did see you.
I remember the first time like a scar that never goes away.
It was my birthday party you were supposed to be there.
I waited and waited but you didn’t show up.
Until I saw a car pull into the parking lot and it was you.
I was so happy to see you there, to know it was you, to meet you for the first time.
It didn’t matter you showed up after the party. You were there and that’s all that mattered to me.
I remember the second time I got to see you.
I had a long day – I went to the dentist and then went all the way to Chico. We were supposed to go swimming at the hotel where you were staying, but instead we had a family dinner.
The third and final time was at my aunt’s wedding but you acted like I wasn’t there.
I always thought I would know you the way a son should.
We would go to the park
Go fishing
Play catch
You know, father and son stuff
But none of that will ever happen now
Now that you’re gone.
You have never been in my life
You have never been my father
So why call you father?
So on this day I won’t call you father anymore.
Dear Jared,
For most of my life you haven’t been there.
I mean, the last time I saw you, I was 8, and I’m 16.
That’s almost 10 years
Now when I look back I can see you – the real you.
Time after time you lied.
To this day, I remember the last time you lied to me and Grandma.
We were two states away seeing family.
We hadn’t been there a week and you called saying you wanted to see me so I begged and begged to go back home.
So we went back.
But when we got home, you weren’t there.
I remember crying in my mom’s arm saying I hate you, I hate you.
To that day I told myself you won’t be in my life
Sometimes I wonder if you remember me, if you know all of my accomplishments.
I wonder if this happens to everyone with no father.
I wonder how they handle it.
I wonder.