Survival mode: Feeling like you can barely stand to exist, like you’re dying. Only you’re not, and you are resigned that, no matter what happens, you will not die.

There are many life situations or mental conditions that can cause a person to find themselves in the nightmarish state of “survival mode”. For me, it has happened most often when I am mothering my grown son who struggles with addiction and mentally instability. When he is feeling okay, he is the most compassionate, lovable, smart, funny person you will ever know. But when he “spins out,” take cover. Because it’s scary. In fact, his episodes are so frightening to me (as they often involve him wanting to take his own life), that they trigger my PTSD and launch me into full-blown crisis. I cancel appointments, call in sick for work. I Google hundreds of desperate questions. I stop eating. I pace. It’s a nightmare. 

“Survival mode” by my definition means 1) being ridiculously sick with worry, 2) being unable to eat, which can include throwing up or dry heaving, 3) being taken over by fear, which can include rolling oneself up into a ball on the bathroom floor in fetal position and 4) being so miserable that each second feels like days.  

I know that, while the circumstances of your nightmare may look different from mine, many of you understand this kind of suffering, or you wouldn’t be reading this. Now is the best time to share our survival tips, while we’re in this space together. 

The first and most important step is to take care of yourself.

Practice Extreme Self-Care

While it may seem impossible to do and may be the last thing on my mind, self-care is of the utmost importance when I’m in survival mode. And some of us need to hear this more than others: WE DESERVE IT. We are going through hell, we are doing the very best we can, and we are exhausted from the weight of the world.  We are entitled to some self-care. 

If I’m tied up with responsibilities, I have to do whatever it takes to carve out this time. I need to cancel non-essential appointments. Let the housework go. Explain to needy friends or family members that I have to take care of myself first if I’m going to be of any help to them. 

When I am able to create this space, I can then practice self-care essentials: take a nap (I need far more sleep when I’m in crisis), drink plenty of fluids, relax in a hot bath, have quiet time alone. If I’m up for it, I can do a little bit of yoga, take a relaxing walk, or spend some quiet time in nature. For some people, a bowl of rocky road ice cream can also do the trick.

Granted, this is not to say that the feeling of suffering necessarily leaves us just because we’re engaging in self-care. But there is something about the action of doing it that makes our survival tolerable, and might even give us some moments of solace. 

Reach Out

I also remind myself to not be afraid to ask for help. Sometimes we need to ask someone to come take the reins for a bit. Help us with errands, watch the kids for a couple hours.

It also helps me to call an understanding friend who isn’t directly part of the crisis. But I have to be careful not to call someone who is a bad listener or has a tendency to drain my energy. I try to call a friend who knows me, who can be a good sounding board. Someone who has calming energy. And then the next time they are struggling and my feet are solidly on the ground, I can reciprocate the favor.

Surrender to a Higher Power

I am personally uncomfortable preaching to others about who God is, but I know for myself that I do feel guided, and that there is a peaceful, loving life-source operating in the universe. I find it often in nature, while I’m sitting quietly by a creek or watching the bumble bees on the lavender in my front yard. If you don’t believe in a higher power, you can visualize being held in the safety of loving hands, and it could do the trick.

It’s so helpful when I remember to surrender to this higher power. Just hand it all over. For once, I don’t need to be in charge. My fear-filled brain doesn’t have to run the show or try to solve its own chaos. When I do this, I am able to see solutions I wouldn’t normally see, and, if I can stay in this place, I also experience an amazing sense of relief.

Write with a Fury

I don’t know where I’d be without my journal. When I am lost, angry, scared, happy, or bored, my journal is the place where I can cut loose and rant, explore questions, or celebrate.

The key is to write with no inhibition. No judgment of myself as a writer. If I can, I try to write nonstop, letting it just spill out. That’s how I’m best able to get to the core of what’s motivating me or holding me back. I have had some great epiphanies while writing, and I have gotten to know myself quite well.

This is Just a Start

Thankfully, there are many ways to survive survival mode. Reach out with your suggestions. Tell us what works for you. We’d love to hear from you in our Comment Section.