As a little girl I grew up surrounded by other little girls
with predominantly straight hair.
The fact that they always looked so effortlessly put together
made me not be able to stand my curly hair.
To me it was messy, the way my curls turned every which way made my hair look untamed, not like the others.
I would brush it out, putting it up as tight as I could just so that I could blend in and not feel different.
I didn’t want to stand out.
My sister studying to be a cosmetologist always told me
“Leave your hair down, Do you know how many people would love to have your hair.”
I never listened yet she would always continue to make sure to let me know.
“Let me practice on your hair” she would tell me
“The mannequin’s hair is so hard to work with”
Hard to work with? I’d ask myself, that was what everyone thought about mine
So how was it any different?
I gave in not knowing that that time we would spend together I would learn to cherish as one of my most precious memories
“When you braid your hair you pull the hair right over left then left over right then keep repeating” she would tell me
Right, left, repeat I’d tell myself
Over time being her mannequin helped me embrace my hair
I learned to love the unique unpredictability of my curls
The way each curl was different than the rest
I loved learning to express myself through my hair
I wasn’t trying to blend in anymore
Sitting on my bathroom sink I would repeat to myself the technique she taught me
Right, left, repeat, Right, left, repeat, Right, left, repeat..
Until I had formed a perfect braid
Being so proud of myself
I was sharing an experience with someone whom I’d truly admired
I was 11 years old when my sister passed away
She’d been sick for as long as I could remember
After her kidney transplant had been successful for many years everything seemed in the clear
we learned to live our lives looking forward towards the future
“when I get married I want you to do my hair”
“of course I will, china” she would tell me
Our future was left to be unlived
“kidney failure” the doctors said
The rest I vaguely remember as a blur
I now sit here present day sitting on my bathroom sink
Right, left, repeat, Right, left, repeat, Right, left, repeat…
until I have created my perfect braid
Just like you taught me
Using the time I style my hair as our time
I will never again see my curls as imperfections
The part of my life where I had you will forever be my favorite
I now cherish you through the memories we created
and those I will continue to create in light of you
Remember to hold your siblings a little tighter today ♡